Cameron + Drunk Chick = Mess

The other night I went to a "party" at my friend’s apartment. A few girls showed up and one of them was pretty cute (read: big tits) so I began to talk/flirt with her. Her name was [Not Important] and she was a shallow, vapid, shell of a person, but with really nice tits. One direct quote that should have tipped me off "I don't eat bread because it makes me fat." In and of itself it screams self-esteem issues and possible eating disorder but also take into account that on a "fat day" there was no chance this girl came in above 105lbs. Plus she punctuated this statement by taking a swig off a beer.

In order to distract myself from the glaringly obvious character flaws, I drank as much and as fast as possible and kept a keen eye on her jovial love bubbles. After a few more torturous attempts at conversation I wished her words were somehow tangible so I could rub her nose in them and hit her with a rolled up newspaper while shouting "No! That’s a bad girl. We don’t do that in the house." I fought back the urge to verbaly berate her mercilessly as I could tell she was into me, or she was hammered, probably a little of both, so I stuck around, oh yeah did I mention her tits? They were great.

I continued to feign interest and shat out a few classic lines that always seem to get the job done and it paid off. She ended up kissing me; we went into one of the bedrooms and continued. Her tits were as good as I had figured them to be but drastically out of proportion to her waif like body. She seemed a little timid at first so I "guided" her in the right direction and she ended up going down on me, for about 30 seconds.

Not only was it one of the worst bj's I have ever received, she apparently had way to much to drink and an extraordinarily sensitive gag reflex. She pulled back let out a strange guttural, animalistic sound and puked. All over my junk. I’m gonna pause here and let that soak in. After allowing the requisite time to process the horrible turn of events. I got up, told her to go, although in a much less friendly manner, and went to the bathroom that was thankfully attached to the bedroom and hosed off. She apparently left the apartment in utter humiliation.

When I walked back out her friend asked what happened, and after I relayed the story, peppered with as many derogatory remarks and obscenities as I felt were appropriate to illustrate my frustration, she caped off the incident with 6 little words that made everything worse:

"You know she's only 16, right?"

Yes I'm a bad person, yes I need to find out age before I do things like this, but I refuse to take full responsibility for what happened. What the fuck was a 16 year old doing at a party populated by people in their early 20's? Why was she wearing a low cut spaghetti- strap shirt and skin tight pants? Why did she kiss me and give me the "fuck me" eyes? Am I entirely to blame here? Or is this a gray area like a "No-Fault" traffic accident? Look I'll be honest with you, I really don't feel guilty about this, but I feel like I probably should and that is somehow worse. Can I get a ruling here?